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Then it's morning, the hustle-bustle, market sellers, squawkers, constantly fondling and rearranging their coloured stock, shouting, screaming, buy from me. I love our room, it has its own shrine, which gets lit at night by a granddaughter's hand, leaving us with its scented smell. She takes our girls out on the back of her bike to show to her friends, Billie and Etta getting noticed and touched. We take a cookery course, Vietnam and Thailand are choking on them. We learn how to make fish in a pot, chop it up and get it in, then noodles with a bottle of ketchup mixed in. The hardest thing was eating it, but the girls got to use a sharp knife.

We're poached by a river lady, who's wearing a strapped-on conical hat. She takes us up the Thu Bon River, slowly she dips her oar, looking for currents, seven days a week, never a day off, she's a lovely woman. Our stomachs glide, she smiles and it is us who are miserable. I'm still not comfortable with this tugging, pulling me culture. It's too hot, the girls moan. She invites us to eat with her family. Do you do baked beans? She shakes her head, I won't be able to come then. We go, she shares what she's got, I'm humbled and felled again. The poor truly are poor, I'm not rude enough to take a picture.

We take our bikes down to Cua Dai Beach, get tanned and waved up and hassled continually by people who'd paint your nails and change my oils, braid and plait. It starts with, where you from? We answer that, then, you want buy post cards, book, umbrella? I dug a hole and got in, Tracy covered me up and left me on my own. The next seller lifted up the towel. You want a ball? I have a foot massage, lots of us sitting on seats, masseurs at our feet, four Belgians are having theirs done. The man's trying to explain where he's from, Belgique, he keeps saying. He can't speak any English.

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The woman stares at him, Belgique, he says again and again. I turn, just hli French. In the afternoon we take a trip up to My Son, a baby Angkor Wat, 50km into the mountains. We ride through peaceful, quiet villages, people going about their daily lives. We have a puncture that is changed by a young man, his young son squats and learns his trade.

Time to leave, say goodbye to all that's Sex for money in dong hoi, the Japanese Covered Bridge, the Tran Duong House, time to get away from all the people trying to sell us closet moths a piece of cloth. On to a bus, along to Danang, up and over a mountain pass to Hue. The war's left its mark on the land, craters and bunkers and people trying to sell you a spent cartridge shell. We have each other's backs, too. If someone tries to go to a moped prostitute's apartment, they'll find that all of the neighboring apartments are also filled with prostitutes, as well as an owner who can come and pin down the abuser.

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Diem retired as a prostitute shortly after our interview and opened a moped accessory shop in Ho Chi Minh City. Symon is the interview finder guy at Cracked and asked over 40 prostitutes before finding one willing to talk with him about being a prostitute. If you have an awesome job or experience you would like to talk with Cracked about, hit up the tipline at tips cracked.

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